Men Embarrassed by Cancer Diagnosis

A new survey from expert cancer support charity Maggie’s reveals men can feel guilt and embarrassment following a cancer diagnosis.

The survey found 17% of all 500 men with cancer polled initially felt embarrassed about their diagnosis while 41% of men felt anxious. 12% said they felt guilty after their diagnosis and 23% said they felt loneliness.

Yet nearly 1 in 5 of all the men polled said they do not plan to seek additional support which would offer extra help on financial, psychological and emotional issues - not provided by their medical team.

42% of the 500 polled said they had not asked for support.

14% of these men say one of the main reasons for this was because they were too embarrassed. A fifth (21%) of the men said it was because they didn’t want to talk about their feelings. While 15% said they didn’t think the support was for men.

A quarter (26%) of those who hadn’t sought support but who had finished their cancer treatment said they wish they had asked for additional support after their diagnosis.

The OnePoll survey questioned 500 men living with cancer and delved into the fears, worries and insecurities that men face when given a cancer diagnosis. Maggie’s has conducted the research as a way of shining a light on the benefits of more men in particular seeking support when living with cancer.

Nick del Rio, 67, is a Business Advisor.
He was diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer in November 2022. When he was first diagnosed, he felt guilty and says he understands the reluctance of some men to get support.

He said:
“Immediately after my diagnosis my overwhelming emotion was guilt. I felt like I had let my family down. I couldn’t stop saying sorry to my wife, and wanted to say sorry to everyone. I felt like I was leaving her to deal with everything.

“For me it was the internal barriers from myself to getting support. The idea of being open and sharing your feelings felt unusual and daunting to me. I wasn't openly against the idea - just reluctant to take the first step."

Nationally men account for 51% of new cancer diagnoses each year (CRUK) but Maggie’s has observed that for a number of years men only make up a third of visitors to their centres looking for support.

Maggie’s Chief Executive Dame Laura Lee said:
“Cancer can come with a loss of identity and treatment can feel very exposing. We have to help men get over the stigma of thinking that there is embarrassment or shame attached to asking for support.

“Sharing how you feel in a group session, with other men, can help make cancer feel more manageable. At Maggie’s we would love to see the same number of men coming for support in our centres as we do women.”

Nick found support as part of Maggie’s Living with Cancer group.

Nick said:
“I think as a man it was really important that they kept proactively coming to you about support. I knew I needed something but wasn’t going to actively find it. When Maggie’s approached me for support, I was receptive but needed them to make the first move.”

“It has been inspiring coming to the group. The people I have met in that group I admire intensely. You learn that resilience and strength actually is not some “macho” idea of being strong. Strength is facing difficult things and talking about them honestly to other people.”

“I’m not surprised fewer men access support than women. I think sometimes a reticence for men might come from a feeling that we should be able to sort things out without needing to talk about them. I know there is an element of that within me - even now, and even though I've always known, deep down, that it makes complete sense to talk about worries and pressures. Coming to the Maggie's Living with Cancer Group has absolutely shown that it is possible to combine a feeling of resilience and strength with sharing, communicating and being open to accepting help.”

Maggie’s offers free expert support to people with cancer in its 24 centres across the UK. The professional staff can help with anything from stress, anxiety, treatment questions, money worries and talking to friends and family. The charity also supports family and friends of those with a cancer diagnosis.

There are men’s support groups on offer, as well as specific cancer type groups, exercise, nutrition and one to one support with a psychologist. If you or anyone you know has cancer, they can just come into any of the centres, there is no need for a referral or appointment.

For more information and to find your nearest centre visit www.maggies.org